Mid-Valley Voice

Engagement and Wedding Rings

If you were to wear one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Would you go for what is trendy and hip? Or would you be more conservative and traditional with your choice?

These are the kinds of intensely personal decisions that you will face as you prepare to purchase your engagement and wedding rings.

In today's world, it is rare for a man to choose an engagement ring for his fiancè-to-be or a wedding ring for his bride-to-be without asking for her input.

Before you and your fiancè head into a jewelry store, become familiar with the "four C's," different stone shapes, the various setting options, wedding bands, and what's available for men beyond the traditional band.

The four C's: When you look at a diamond, you can judge its quality based on the four C's - carat, color, clarity and cut.

- Carat is the unit of weight used for diamonds. Carats are subdivided into points - there are 100 points to a carat. So a 130-point diamond weighs 1.3 carats.

- A diamond can actually be any color in the spectrum. Completely colorless, icy-white diamonds are rare, and therefore, more valuable. The best way to see the true color of a diamond is to look at it against a white surface.

- A diamond's clarity is determined by taking into account the number, size, placement, color and nature of any internal "inclusions" - external surface irregularities. Almost all diamonds have inclusions to some extent. The fewer or less noticeable the inclusions, the more valuable the diamond.

- Diamonds are cut into facets - the small, flat, polished planes cut into a diamond so that the maximum amount of light is reflected. The amount of this reflection is called "brilliance" and is extremely important in evaluating the quality of a diamond. A round, full-cut diamond has 58 facets.

Diamonds have a rating for each of the four Cs. Once you start looking at diamonds, you'll figure out which of them is most important to you. When considering size versus quality, keep in mind - a bigger diamond that doesn't have a high quality will just show more irregularities.

If you want to be a bit more daring, use a gemstone, such as a sapphire, emerald or ruby, for your engagement stone. You can always use smaller diamonds as accent stones or on your wedding band.

Shape: Stones are cut into different shapes, many of which can appear traditional and modern at the same time.

One of the most popular stone shapes is round because it shows incredible brilliance and is very traditional. Also popular right now are the square princess and the long and slender emerald. Other shapes include marquis, oval and pear.

Setting: The metal setting displays a stone to its best advantage. When it comes to setting, you will need to make two decisions: metal and setting style. For metal, you will choose between two basic colors:

- Yellow gold is considered the "traditional" wedding band metal, and it is said to symbolize the warmth and love of marriage.

- White metal is one of the hottest trends in jewelry. Platinum is the strongest metal and is very rare, a perfect metaphor for couples looking for that eternal symbol of devotion. White gold offers a similar look for less money. However, the difference is evident when you place the warmer-toned white gold next to the icy platinum.

- Do you want the best of both worlds? Choose a two-toned design that features both yellow and white metals. It offers great versatility for individuals who like to wear both colors.

There are many settings available, many of which are best suited for certain stone shapes and metal colors:

- A prong setting is the most common type. Prongs hold a stone firmly in a metal basket. Prong setting lets the light hit the diamond from all angles, maximizing a diamond's brilliance. Four prongs show more of the diamond. Six prongs hold the diamond more securely but can overwhelm a stone.

- A bezel setting is more contemporary. It consists of a metal rim with straight or scalloped edges that fully or partially surround the perimeter of the stone. It is usually a good choice for a round stone.

- A diamond in a white metal bezel setting usually appears larger, and a red or green gemstone in a yellow gold bezel setting often makes the stone appear redder or greener. However, a yellow gold bezel setting can sometimes make a diamond appear less white because the yellow tint of the setting is reflected in the stone.

- A channel setting places a row of stones with no metal separating them between two horizontal channels for part of the ring, or the entire ring. It has a smooth and unobtrusive surface and provides better security for small stones than some other settings. This setting is especially popular for wedding bands.

- Another setting popular for a band is pavè. A pavè setting involves three or more rows of several small stones fitted into holes that set them level with the surface of the ring. The surrounding metal is then raised into beams that secure the gems. This setting gives the illusion of more and bigger stones than are actually there, but is not recommended for more fragile stones.

- Other settings you may be interested in include tension (in which the stone appears to be floating), bar (in which thin vertical bars of metal are placed between stones to hold them secure) and gypsy (in which the stone sets flush into a hole in the ring so that it doesn't protrude at all). The latter is very popular for men's rings.

Wedding bands: When looking at wedding bands, you can either purchase a band that matches your engagement ring or you can select one that complements it. You can also choose to solder your wedding band and engagement ring together, so that they are one ring, or keep them separate. Keep in mind, you'll have more flexibility if you keep them separate.

For instance, you can wear just your band(s) when you want to be casual and include your engagement ring for dressier occasions. Once you solder them, there's no separating them without potential damage.

For the groom: For most men, a wedding ring may be the only piece of jewelry they ever wear. They need to have a ring that's both comfortable and flattering.

Many men's rings today have a curved - not flat - interior leading to a more comfortable fit. Men can also look for rings that have a plain, tapered bottom designed to bear the brunt of abuse.

Diamond wedding rings for men are coming back. These diamonds aren't necessarily flashy, but they have subtle sparkle that makes them interesting. They also can coordinate with the bride's wedding band and be set the same way, or in a gypsy setting which is both functional and flattering for men.

The metal of a man's wedding ring should match his wife's whether she has a yellow gold, platinum or a two-toned setting.

It's all in the details: Whether you are the bride or groom, when trying on rings, be sure to select a style that flatters your hands.

Individuals with small hands and fingers look better with a proportionately - sized ring. Vertically set stones make hands seem longer, while an oversized ring makes hands seem shorter. If you have big hands, stay away from small rings - they'll make your hands look larger.

Make sure you ask your jeweler about caring for your rings. Have them cleaned regularly. And have the stones inspected for looseness. A diamond can last forever, but not if you lose your stone down a sink drain or in the yard because it was loose.

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Your reception will have some very special moments that you will remember the rest of your life, especially the ceremonial dances you share with your loved ones.

You'll want to select songs that suit you and your style. In addition, these musical selections should reflect your relationships with these special men in your life: your new husband, your father, stepfather, grandfather or uncles.

Check out the list below to find some melodious options for these dances. Then put on your dancing shoes.

The First Dance: Whether you prefer classic standards or something a little more modern, you can be sure to find the perfect song for your first dance as a married couple:

Standards:

• "At Last" (Etta James)
• "The Best Is Yet to Come" (Frank Sinatra)
• "Can't Help Falling in Love" (Elvis Presley)
• "Close to You" (The Carpenters)
• "Embraceable You" (Nat King Cole)
• "Here and Now" (Luther Vandross)
• "It Had to Be You" (Harry Connick Jr.)
• "Our Love Is Here to Stay" (Billie Holiday)
• "We've Only Just Begun" (The Carpenters)
• "Your Song" (Elton John)

Rock Power Ballads:

• "Amazed" (Lonestar)
• "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" (Aerosmith)
• "Open Arms" (Journey)
• "Time After Time" (Cyndi Lauper)
• "We Belong" (Pat Benatar)
• "You Got to Let Love Rule" (Lenny Kravitz)

Modern Marriage Music:

• "Crash" (Dave Matthews Band)
• "Ice Cream" (Sarah McLachlan)
• "In Your Eyes" (Peter Gabriel)
• "Kiss Me" (Six Pence None the Richer)
• "Let My Love Open the Door [to Your Heart]" (Pete Townsend)
• "Tonight, Tonight" (Smashing Pumpkins)
• "Wonderful Tonight" (Eric Clapton)

Father-Daughter Dance: Weddings are very emotional for the father-of-the-bride. He's just escorted his little girl down the aisle and presented her to her husband. The father-daughter dance, amidst all the activity that makes up a wedding, is a chance for dad and his daughter to spend some time together before she departs the family and begins her new life.

• "Butterfly Kisses" (Bob Carlisle)- Although this song may be a little sappy, it brings a tear to the eye of every father who's given away his daughter at the altar.
• "In My Life" (The Beatles)
• "Isn't She Lovely" (Stevie Wonder)
• "My Girl" (The Temptations)
• "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" (Maurice Chevalier)
• "Unforgettable" (Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole)
• "The Way You Look Tonight" (Frank Sinatra)

Mother-Son Dance: At his wedding, every man can be a mama's boy, at least while the mother-of-the-groom dances with her special guy.

• "Mama" (Boys II Men)
• "Mockingbird" (Carly Simon and James Taylor")
• "My Funny Valentine" (Frank Sinatra)
• "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" (Stevie Wonder)

Wedding Party Dance: They've been your friends, they've stood by you. Now, they'll dance with you. Pick a special song for your wedding party.

• "Friends Are Friends Forever" (Michael W. Smith)
• "I'll Remember" (Madonna)
• "I Will Remember You" (Sarah McLachlan)
• "Stand By Me" (Ben E. King)
• "You've Got a Friend" (James Taylor)

The Dashing Gentlemen

On the wedding day, most of the attention is focused on the bride and her bridesmaids. After all, their attire sets the mood and tone for the entire wedding.

But the men are important as well. You want the groom and the groomsmen to get noticed too - and not because they're dressed poorly.

Types of Formal Wear:

- For a semiformal daytime wedding, suits are actually more appropriate than tuxedos. Men can wear a tie or go without one.

- For a semiformal evening wedding, a dark tuxedo and bow tie with cummerbund or vest is appropriate. Or men could wear a dark suit. Wear a white wing-tipped or turned-down collared shirt.

- At a formal daytime wedding, choose from tuxedos, tailcoats and gray strollers. Wear it with a white spread-collar shirt, a vest that matches the coat, and an ascot.

- Formal evening weddings call for black tie. Wear a classic black tuxedo with a white wing - or spread-collar shirt, black bow tie, and a matching vest or cummerbund.

Just because the men are wearing tuxes doesn't mean that they have to be boring. The latest trends in tuxedos are longer jackets with a narrow cut. And vests come in a variety of colors and textures.

Even though all the men are basically dressed the same, it is appropriate for the groom to stand out, especially since it's his big day. "The groom may wear a different vest color, jacket or tie in order to distinguish him from the groomsmen.

After all, the bride shouldn't get all of the attention as she and her Prince Charming exchange vows.